If you start doing something very different from what people around you are used to seeing you do, expect some strange feedback.
This is especially true if you are:
- starting a business;
- charging more money;
- posting publicly;
- selling something;
- taking yourself more seriously;
- or behaving in a way that does not match the version of you people already know.
People close to you have a mental model of who you are.
You have been a certain shape in their lives for years.
When you suddenly change shape, it can feel strange to them.
That does not make them bad people.
It does mean their feedback may not be useful.
They Are Evaluating You, Not Necessarily the Market
Imagine you tell a friend:
“I’m going to start posting videos and sell a €5,000 service.”
They may respond:
“That sounds ridiculous.”
But what exactly have you learned?
Probably very little.
They may be reacting to:
- the fact that they have never seen you sell;
- their own relationship with money;
- fear that you will embarrass yourself;
- their personal dislike of social media;
- their idea of what someone “like you” should do;
- their own risk tolerance;
- or simply the unfamiliarity of seeing you behave differently.
None of those things tells you whether your target customer will buy.
Your friend is not the market.
Familiar People Often Prefer the Familiar Version of You
Relationships develop around patterns.
People become comfortable knowing:
“This is what this person is like.”
When you change significantly, the relationship may need to adjust.
Sometimes people are supportive.
Sometimes they are confused.
Sometimes they tease you.
Sometimes they become strangely negative.
Sometimes success itself creates discomfort because it forces people to update their idea of you—and perhaps compare your choices with their own.
You do not need to diagnose their psychology.
You only need to recognize:
Their emotional reaction is not market research.
Ask: Is This Person Qualified to Answer This Question?
Before accepting advice, ask:
“What evidence does this person actually have?”
If you are testing whether Portuguese software engineers will pay for pronunciation coaching, useful feedback might come from:
- Portuguese software engineers;
- people who sell to them;
- recruiters;
- employers;
- or someone who has built a similar business.
Feedback from your cousin who dislikes online courses may be completely irrelevant.
The fact that somebody loves you does not make them an expert on your customer.
The fact that somebody knows you extremely well can actually make it harder for them to imagine strangers seeing you differently.
Do Not Use Your Friends as a Focus Group
One of the easiest mistakes is asking:
“What do you think of my business idea?”
Your friends may try to encourage you.
Or protect you.
Or make fun of you.
Or tell you what they think you want to hear.
None of this is especially useful.
Instead, speak to the people who actually have the problem.
Ask them what they do.
Watch what they buy.
Make an offer.
Measure what happens.
If ten friends think your idea is stupid and five strangers pay you, the strangers have given you much stronger evidence.
If ten friends tell you the idea is brilliant and nobody buys it, your friends were not useful evidence either.
Listen to the Market, Not the Audience in Your Living Room
When deciding whether something works, prioritize:
- The people experiencing the problem.
- The people who actually pay to solve it.
- People with direct experience building or selling something comparable.
- Real behavior and measurable results.
Give much less weight to:
- general opinions;
- people reacting to your personality change;
- people with no experience in the market;
- people projecting their own relationship with money or risk;
- and people who simply cannot imagine you succeeding at something they have never seen you do.
That does not mean ignoring everyone close to you.
They may see risks you miss.
But ask whether the feedback is about the actual opportunity or merely about the fact that you are changing.
Let Reality Update Everyone
You do not need to convince your friends that the idea will work.
You do not need their permission.
You also do not need to argue with them.
Test the idea.
If it fails, you learned something.
If it works, reality will provide stronger evidence than any debate ever could.
Do not ask people who are attached to the old version of you to predict the market for the new version of you.
Listen carefully to your customers.
Listen to evidence.
Let everyone else catch up later.